Monthly Archives: September 2015

Phallacy

cigar

I have a full size van.  I consistently have the largest car in the parking lot.  Some would say this implies I have a small penis.  It is usually filled with my family since I don’t drive it empty, have fun with that one too.

But when I drive to work I typically take my motorcycle which is one of the smallest cars on the road, does that mean I have a large penis?  But it’s one of the largest motorcycles on the road, dwarfing mopeds and the occasional sub compact car.  Does that mean I have a medium penis?

The reason I typically choose the largest vehicle in it’s class is because I took physics in college, where a professor who helped design the moon lander explained in great detail why a shorter distance of deceleration in a crash results in more Gs, and more Gs result in more deaths.  Big cars and truck deform and crush into scrap for a longer distance within the car.

Does this mean physics professors or engineers have small penises?   More interestingly does this mean that people with small penises are attracted together in some sort of natural nerd herd?  Does group learning make the penis smaller?  I founded and run a computer group which is definitely a nerd herd, does that mean I have the smallest penis?

I own two guns, and it is said that people with guns are compensating for a small penis.  But I only got them a few years ago, does that mean my penis recently got smaller?  If my penis will change it’s size depending on what I own or use does that mean it will grow again if I discard them?   If I take Viagra will my guns shrink?  And my cars?  Perhaps it is that I rarely use the guns or the van.  The more often I use them the smaller my penis will get?  If so what does that imply for police who are typically required to carry guns all the time?  Perhaps they don’t use them?  This seems to make sense with American sexual activity after the war.  Men discarded their guns and reunited with their wives, and made an entire baby boom.  But many of those vets armed themselves with civilian guns when they returned.  Perhaps some sort of birth control?  Further this would imply that counties with population problems like China and India should arm their populations to shrink their men’s penises and have less children.

Where did this idea come from?   Where else, but from psychology and Sigmund Freud.  His idea of a phallic symbol or a symbol for the penis in penis shaped everyday items implied a sense of inadequacy.  But this was originally termed ‘penis envy’ and meant to describe women, who were subconsciously angry they were not men.  This sounds very different from the item to penis size ratio.  What did Freud actually say about this?  “A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity.”   He was very famous for the analogy that a cigar could be a big brown penis for some people (specifically women), at a time when cigars were very popular.  It was considered socially unsightly and abhorrent for women to smoke at the time, much less a large fragrant cigar.  But he himself smoked cigars.  If penis envy was intended for analysis of men, why did Freud himself smoke them?

Laughing at the sexual inadequacy of men with big equipment?  Perhaps you should read about projection.